


at least we're under the same sky

by softbottas



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Brocedes, M/M, Nostalgia, Sadness, So many emotions, also background valewis if you squint a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 13:18:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softbottas/pseuds/softbottas
Summary: Lewis goes for a midnight walk in Monaco and runs into a certain someone.





	at least we're under the same sky

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> Okay so, this is my first published fanfic ever in English. I hope it's not too horrible? I know it's very very sad but like umm this is brocedes we're talking about here......... 
> 
> Also, I just couldn't resist writing a bit of background valewis. It's written as a friendship here, but it can be read in any way you want. I can't just leave Valtteri out of my first fic!
> 
> Enjoy! Or uhh, suffer.

01:23. The clock on his bedside table seemed to mock him. Lewis had been tossing and turning with no sign of sleep for hours now.  
His bedroom was quiet. There was some soft light coming through the big windows to his right and even though his sheets were silk, right now they felt like could've been sandpaper for all he knew. He was slowly accepting the fact that he would not be sleeping tonight. If he was being completely honest with himself, he hadn't been doing much sleeping lately. His trainer would be furious if she knew. 

Frustrated, he rolled out of bed and threw on some sweatpants and a hoodie. He grabbed his phone and keys from the table before heading out to the streets of Monaco.  
The principality never seemed to sleep, especially during the summer. Even though Lewis did enjoy the perks of living there, some of the things happening in the city disgusted him to his core. The lack of paparazzi meant that rich old men could do pretty much anything they wanted without anyone saying a word about it. Lewis was sure those men knew very well that the girls they led to their supercars after a night out were ages from being legal. It's just the way things are in Monaco, he was told early on. You're not supposed to say a word about anything you might see. 

It had taken him a long time to consider this place home. For years, his mind automatically went back to England whenever he thought of 'home'. These days, just the thought of living in London made him shudder. There were simply too many memories he would rather forget about. Stevenage was also somewhere he had absolutely no desire of returning to. He had spent all his childhood trying to get away from that place - God knows he's never going back. 

Living in Monaco had always seemed so far away back then. Living in the golden city full of millionaires had seemed like a distant dream, dependent on his success in racing. Needless to say, he did manage to buy an apartment from one of the nicest buildings in Monaco when he was barely in his twenties. He had been so excited then. Living in the city of champions. Having his best friend as his neighbour..

His steps halted. He had to take a deep breath to recover from the feeling of being stabbed in the chest mid-stride. He was not thinking about him tonight. No. This is not about him. He ran a hand through his hair and turned to look at his surroundings.  
He had found himself quite far away from his building in Larvotto, as he was now at the entrance to the Japanese garden. He briefly considered continuing his walk towards the yacht club, for he happened to know Fernando was hosting a party on his yacht at the marina. Lewis wasn't sure if he'd even be welcome, though. Probably not. He didn't really have too many friends in Monaco these days. Valtteri was probably the only one, but the Finn was currently visiting his family in Finland. 

For a moment he just stood there, considering his options. There was nobody in town right now who he could call up. It was summer break, after all, and almost all of his fellow drivers were scattered around the world. He considered calling Valtteri. No, that would be idiotic. What would he even say? 'Hey, sorry I woke you up in the middle of the night. I'm lonely. Do you have a moment to chat?' Valtteri would probably say yes, though. Which is exactly why Lewis wasn't going to call him. 

Of course there were quite a few beautiful girls who would probably love to get a text from him right now, but if he was being honest that was the last thing he wanted to do. So, with his hands shoved deep into his pockets, he turned around and started his walk back towards his apartment.

Loneliness was something he never wanted to think about. It wasn't something you would expect from Lewis Hamilton, after all. He could never be lonely. Right? With the lifestyle he had. He had friends all around the world who were rich, young and beautiful like him. He could walk into nearly any club in any city and he would immediately have people flocking around him. If there was something he wanted, he could just ask for it or buy it. The entire world was wrapped around his finger. How could he be lonely? 

Easily, he thought as he walked alone on the dimly lit sidewalk, making his way towards his empty apartment where nobody was waiting for him. For some reason, he suddenly found the thought of going back unbearable. He had started to hate his Larvotto apartment lately. The quiet rooms seemed to mock him, so he spent a lot of time playing the piano. It was totally not because he could occasionally hear a baby crying in the apartment below his. Of course not. That had nothing to do with it. He just didn't like silence. 

As he arrived at the beginning of Larvotto boulevard, he took a right towards the beach. He really didn't want to go home yet. There was nothing for him in that cursed building. Nothing he could have, anyways.

The beach seemed empty. All of the parties were around La Condamine that night, so there weren't even any stray party-goers around. It was the perfect time for lonely sulking. 

He was on the west side of the beach, where he could only see one person sitting alone near the shoreline. He started his walk past them to find a quiet place where he could sit down, ponder on his loneliness and wallow in self-pity. He was already considering a nice spot a bit further down the beach when he heard a voice he really, really hadn't wanted to hear tonight. 

"Lewis?"

Oh no. Oh no, not tonight. He had been trying so, so hard to distract himself from the real reason why he had had difficulty sleeping lately. But just like that, there he was, in all his glory. With no warning. Nico-fucking-Rosberg.

Lewis took a moment to pull himself together. He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. He could do this. He could make small talk with him and pretend that he wasn't the reason for why his emotions were all over the place. He forced a small smile on his face and turned to look at Nico.  
"Oh hey, man. I didn't recognize you there", he said, trying to sound composed. They hadn't seen each other for months with him racing and Nico living his perfect life with his perfect family. He was trying so hard to ignore the lump in his throat threatening to choke him.

Nico was quiet for a moment. He seemed to consider something. "Why don't you come and sit down next to me, here? It's been a while." Nico's hair looked golden in the moonlight reflecting from the calm Mediterranean ocean before them. 

This is not what Lewis had planned at all. He had simply wanted to walk around the Monaco shoreline with his eyes down and his hands in his pockets. Perhaps deep down he had hoped that he would've ran into Valtteri at some point, who due to some miracle had decided to return to Monaco early. No such luck.  
Lewis definitely hadn't planned on finding his childhood friend here, sitting alone near the shoreline, looking almost ethereal in the soft moonlight.

Before he could register anything, he found himself sitting down a few feet away from Nico. What a traitorous body he had. He sighed, trying to calm himself down.

"Didn't think I'd find you here, man. I thought fathers of small kids always wanted to get the full eight hours a night whenever they could", he said, leaning his elbows on his bent knees, staring at his shoes like his life depended on it. He didn't think he could hold himself together if he looked at Nico.

Nico hummed. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd come sit here for a little while and think about things. It's a nice spot, very relaxing", he explained, turning to look at the sea.

It was Lewis' turn to hum. 

They were quiet for a long time. They listened to the soft sound of the waves and the occasional supercar accelerating in the hills of the principality behind them. The stars looked fairly bright even with all the light pollution. The moon was hanging low over the water, casting a clear picture of itself on the surface.  
The silence stretched out between the two. Both of them were thinking of something to say. Both of them were also ignoring the fact that back in the day they would've always found something to say. Lewis wondered if Nico also felt this painful nostalgia for something that was never meant to be.

"I've been thinking about retiring after this season", Lewis blurted out all of a sudden. He didn't know where he found the courage to say those words out loud when he hasn't even been able to admit them to himself. He really hadn't meant to say that. Fuck.

Lewis heard a sharp intake of breath beside him. He still didn't dare to look at Nico. Instead, he returned to staring at his shoes so intently that he would surely burn a hole in them soon. 

"What? Why?" Lewis didn't think he had ever heard Nico sound so confused. 

Lewis started nervously wringing his hands together. "I really like Valtteri, don't get me wrong. He's actually a nice guy. He works well in the team and we're doing well in the constructors' and obviously my championship battle isn't going that badly either, and this year's car is really nice to drive. I don't know, it's just that..", he trailed off and glanced at Nico. He was expecting to see him look confused, maybe even shocked, but Nico looked.. Worried? Sad? Lewis didn't dare to think about it. He took a deep breath and continued.

"It just isn't the same without you.. Racing doesn't feel... exciting anymore, I guess? Even winning feels pointless and boring. I don't care if I'm better than Seb, or Kimi or Daniel or all of the other guys on the grid. I don't give a shit about them or even about beating them. Lately I've realized that all I ever wanted was to be better than you. You were always the one to beat. The one that really mattered. But now that you're gone.. Racing isn't the same anymore", Lewis halted. He swallowed hard and tried to force his fingers to stop picking at the skin around his fingernails. 

"You were always there, you know? Ever since we were snot nosed kids in karting. I have never raced without you. Even if we weren't in the same series, we were still a big part of each other's lives. We went to each other's races to cheer the other one on. We went on all those holidays together. We were practically inseparable. Lately I've been thinking.. maybe racing was never the thing. Maybe it was just you I loved all these years." Lewis felt exhausted. He really hadn't planned to even open his mouth in the first place, much less just blurt out his undying love for someone who didn't feel the same towards him. He leaned his head in his hands and sighed.

He didn't dare to look at Nico. A heavy silence fell between them. After a while Lewis heard a quiet sniffle from next to him and he finally turned to look at his.. old friend. 

Nico was looking at him with tears in his blue eyes. He had this sad little smile on his face that Lewis knew all too well from back when they were just kids racing in go-karts. It was the same smile he always had when he was emotional but trying to hold himself together, to keep his composure. Now his facade was cracking, though. Lewis felt his own eyes start to water.  
It had been so long since he had really looked at Nico, and much longer since they had had a moment like this, a moment where they could both show their true emotions and not worry about looking vulnerable in front of their main rival. In this moment they weren't Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg, Formula One world champions and professional athletes. They were just Lewis and Nico, two people who had planned to spend the rest of their lives together, before the pressure of their competition ripped them apart. 

"Oh Lewis..", Nico whispered and scooted closer to him. He wrapped his arm around Lewis' shoulders, so that now they were touching from knee to shoulder. As they always should be. As they always should've been.

For a long moment the pair of them were just sitting there like that, looking out to the sea, two hearts beating in sync. Lewis didn't ever want this moment to end. To him, it felt like a little piece of heaven. 

Nico took a deep breath and rested his head on Lewis' shoulder. Lewis couldn't resist closing his eyes and leaning his cheek on Nico's golden hair, breathing in his scent, trying to memorize this moment as well as he could. He thought he might die if they ever got up and went their separate ways.

"You know I'm never coming back, right?" 

There it was. Lewis felt a tear slip down his cheek. His chest felt painfully tight, like someone had pulled his racing harnesses so tight he couldn't even breathe. He took a shuddering breath and pressed a soft kiss on the top of Nico's head.

"I know, Nico. I know."

They sat there as night turned to morning, embracing each other. They didn't speak because neither of them had anything left to say. Both of them knew they would never get to have what they once had ever again. Sure, they both regretted the choices they made along the way, the turns they took that led them away from each other in the first place, but there's nothing to be done about it anymore. The vows have been said and the hurt runs too deep. Nothing can be salvaged from this wreck that once was a promise of happiness. 

This night is all they will ever get to have. It's not enough, but at least it's something. 

At least they're under the same sky.


End file.
